Helping Alleviate Stress in Your Teenagers (part 1)

The last post talked about how the next couple of weeks in any teenagers life is usually among the most stressful of the school year. There aren't a lot of days off. There are usually multiple projects being assigned. The biggest stress comes from the fact that being a teenager isn't easy.

Being able to recognize when your teen is stressed out is a huge benefit. When you see them stressed you can then take steps to help them deal with their stress and even get rid of some of it. Below I'm going to list a couple of ideas that might work for your family when dealing with stressful times.

1. Get a Wii. - Of course the first one that I mention would cost well over $300 by the time you get all the extras, but hey it's the first thing I thought of and these don't go in order of importance. If you have a wii (or can get one) you have a guaranteed fun time. Yes even if you hate video games, you'll get into the wii. The way that the game play is set up creates the perfect environment to have fun with your teens as well as relieve some work/school stress. Games like "Cooking Mama" or "Wii Sports" are good for those less video game savvy people. If you want to step it up with your teen try out "Mario Kart Wii" or "Rock Band" (or Guitar Hero). These games take a little more skill but with definitely payoffs. I mean really, why should your kid be the only one able to rock out to a Led Zeppelin song that you sang when you were their age??

2. Weekly Family Night- A weekly family night might seem like a lot to do. OK if need be you can have a bi-weekly family night. The point is this. During stressful times in life, often our routine schedule is the first thing to go. This means that family time can often get the shaft. Everyone has to be somewhere to do something. By saying that once a week you are going to have family time, you not only give teens a time where they don't have to be stressed, you also reinforce the idea of family to them. This in turn helps them to have strong family ties when they grow up and get married. What you do on family night can be a wide range of things. You could play the Wii. (see above). You could go bowling(yes in real life). You could go to your favorite restaurant. (Cheeburger Cheeburger is a favorite of mine.) You could all go out for dessert or Starbucks (or any other over priced coffee specialty store). The key is to make it something that your kids will look forward to as a way to let off some steam during the week. If your family is up for it, you could make it spiritual by adding in a devotion of some sort.

3. Daddy/Daughter-Mother/Son Time -
The importance of father/daughter relationships and mother/son relationships have been proven by people who have degrees which are much cooler sounding than mine. These are crucial to the development of teenagers. It gives daughters a sense of worth and confidence that help in determining who they will date. It give sons a sense of respect and confidence in how they will treat the women he dates. Something simple like coffee or ice cream every couple of weeks let your teen know that you care and maybe (and I emphasize MAYBE) they will be more willing to talk to you about life. Sometimes due to circumstances, this arrangement of dad/daughter or mom/son don't work out. That's OK, Mom's you can take your daughter out (and probably should). Dad's spend time with your son...(which again you should)

4. Don't be afraid to say "NO" to your teen taking on too much.-
There is a lot of pressure on teenagers to get into college. In high school they will be pressured to take a tough course load that includes multiple AP classes. Different kids respond differently to tough course loads. You know your child best. In the past though, I've seen a lot of parents assume that their kids can handle the pressure of tough academic schedules. The students almost always buckle under the pressure. When this happens teens often develop unhealthy habits (drinking, smoking, drugs, video game addiction...etc) or end up with health problems. Having been diagnosed with stress related illnesses in the past (Acid Reflux), I know the problem with trying to deal with excessive amounts of stress. Teenagers need parents who know their kids, to not be afraid to limit academic/extra-curricular activities. Yes, sports parents, this includes you too.

5. Encourage your child to grow closer to God.- When it comes to handling stress, the best form of relief comes from our almighty creator. Matthew 11:28-30 says; " Come to Me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light." As we grow closer to God we tend to rely on Him to keep us going. That means that we regularly can go to Him and give Him our stresses and find relief in His grace. When we grow apart from God, we tend to not go to Him until it's too late and we are overwhelmed.


This was a long one but incredibly important. Having a constantly stressed out member of the family almost always brings the whole family down. If we take just a a few steps to help relieve stress when it occurs, our families can grow closer to each other and to God.

A forewarning: To families of teens who aren't used to interacting together on a regular basis, (If you think this might apply to you, I guarantee it does) this might be a slow and tough process. If you try any of these and get resistance, keep at it. After time teenagers will come to accept it and even appreciate it. Until next time, I'm praying for your family!

Jon

The stresses of Spring Time

The past two weeks have been good for students in Chesterfield county. Two straight 4 day weeks will make any student happy. You go to school one day and the next day is Wednesday. I know there are a lot of parents who wish they could say the same about their work week.

Unfortunately that comes to a halt after presidents day. There is a period of time between February and Spring Break that I affectionately refer to as "The Grind". This time is made worse in years where Easter comes late. There is little to no time off for students during this month long time span. For students, it's go to school, go home, do homework, go to sleep, go to school....etc. It is very monotonous and relentless.

To add to the monotony, this is the time that a lot of teachers assign major projects which tend to take up a lot of time outside of school. I remember, "the grind" being unbelievably stressful. I hated it every year. And then there was that one teacher who gave work over spring break....that teacher was just inviting a good toilet paper adventure.....don't get me started...

All that to say this. Over the next month or two our students very possibly could face situations that cause a lot of stress. In my years of ministry a lot of students have expressed that parents don't seem to understand the stress that they're under. I think that is a true statement. I think that teenagers (due to crazy hormones) tend to over exaggerate sometimes, but I think that for the most part teenagers struggle through this time.

I say this as a messenger. I want you to understand what your teenager is thinking. (because there is a likely chance that they won't tell you!) As you parent your teen, take this message into consideration. Come back for the next post which will have things that you can do to relieve stress in your teens life. See you then!

jon