I was killing time last week in a Barnes and Nobles when I grabbed a couple of books. One was entitled "The Furious Longing of God" and the other "Columbine".
I started on the Columbine book first because immediate memories stuck out in my mind. I remember sitting on my couch and watching CNN as a kid was being pulled out of a second floor window. He was bloody and fell out of the window as workers tried to grab him. It's a sight that I'll never forget. I was a junior in high school.
Before that day, school was safe. When you went to school you didn't really have to worry about life or death. Sure there were fights but they were limited and not usually near me. My parents could rest knowing that I was somewhere safe.
That all changed on April 20th, 1999. It was unnerving to know that two young men with guns could walk into almost any school and start shooting people at random. They shot people in the lunch room. They shot people in the library. They shot people outside. They did not care who it was. They tried to kill them. Ultimately they turned their guns on themselves took their own lives. Their hope was to be remembered forever and after ten years that has been successful.
As a student I begin to look at life in a new light after that day. I would look at my school and try to figure out what I would do in that situation. In a sense a good portion of innocence was lost that day. The same happened with the D.C. Sniper and 9/11. We've gotten to a point where we live in a state of wondering what's next. When is the next killing? When is the next school shooting? When is the next bad thing???
This brings me to the second book I looked at. "The Furious Longing of God" by Brennan Manning. I didn't get far into the book but I skimmed to get the point. God longs for us to be in relationship with Him. The creator and perfecter of our lives wants to be close to us. I was struck by the similarities and differences in the two books. Both talked about people who were broken and lost. Both books talked of people who were unsatisfied with the world and looked for a way to deal with it. The difference is that one book talks about the hope of God. It explains that when we feel broken, helpless, and lost, God is there LONGING to be with us.
There is a fix to brokenness. There is a fix to hurt. There is a fix to hopelessness.
It's God. And he has a furious longing to know you.
Today would be a great chance to talk to your kids about this.
Take Care,
Jon
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Teaching kids to manage time.
I was sitting in my youth team's meeting last week with a group of intensely dedicated volunteers. We were chatting and catching up a bit and a good number of them were talking about how their teenage children were busier than ever. I mentioned that a good thing to teach kids is time management. I felt that this was a good answer. After all, teaching kids time management is a good thing. I wasn't prepared as a mom replied, "How?" I hadn't thought that far ahead. I asked for a week or so to think about it and I would post it on here. So here goes.
Teaching Kids Time Management- (or at least try)
1. Set Priorities- When we get over busy our priorities get blurred. My wife and I have noticed this as we quickly approach our child's due date. We are incredibly busy to the point of frustration. Our first thought is to bail on our Tuesday night Bible Study. Each week we lament about how tired we are and how we couldn't get through it. But each week that we go, we are rewarded immensely. When your teen gets busy, you need to sit with them and develop what your priorities are. Maybe it is family time mentioned in the previous post. Maybe it's church or a bible study. In setting the priorities, you are saying to your child, "These are the things that are the most important. If the world started to collapse, we would still do these things." This is an important truth for students to develop in life. If throughout childhood, a child learns what is important, they are more likely to repeat it in their adult life. This makes stronger families rooted in faith.
2. Get Organized- This one can be difficult because teens by nature subscribe to the Chaos Theory. You can do this through teaching them how to use a planner or scheduler. I know what you are thinking. I'd rather get a root canal during a Kenny G concert. By using a planner, teens begin to see their time. I've heard a lot of parents say the following; "Jimmy knew that he had to do this, he just thought he had all the time in the world." The truth is that Jimmy is still learning the concept of time. When you are procrastinating, you always have enough time. When you plan you see that you are limited in time and it presses you to go ahead and work now instead of procrastinating.
3. Have a set schedule- the best thing to help with the planning process is to have a set schedule. Students today can be on the go at different times everyday. This complicates planning because you have to plan using different times every week. Ex. I got home at 3 pm everyday from high school. My parents got home between 5:30-6:00pm every night. We ate dinner at 7. (that's when Start Trek came on) Everyday I knew that I had from 3-7 to work on homework. In later years I knew that I had from 3-7 and 7:30-10 to work on homework. My senior year I had stuff every night of the week. It kept my schedule busy and made it difficult for me to find time to do my homework.
4.Built in Breaks- A problem for setting schedules is that it doesn't allow for time to do what teenagers want to do. They want to mess around on Facebook, or play video games, or torment their siblings( flashback...shudder). If you have built in breaks, this allows the student to take a break from the mental portions of homework and just relax for a little bit. The ideal time for this is in between assignments when the students mind isn't focused on one given thing. If you cut a kid off in the middle of a complex math equation, they'll never be able to focus again. When they finish math give them a break before English. A general rule that I had for studying for a test or exam was a 15 minute break for every hour that I studied. This varies among kids though.
5.Set an example- The toughest part of being a parent is that you are constantly being watched. Although teens might not admit this, you are the biggest influence in their lives. That can be a positive influence or a negative influence. If you don't do the things above, your teens won't. If you don't do them and tell your teens that they should do them, they'll resent it. In truth, these are good practices for everyone. Myself included. I'm actually about to work on my planning processes because they need some work. Hopefully it will help me work and communicate more efficiently with you.
So until next time. I'm praying for you and your teen.
Jon
Teaching Kids Time Management- (or at least try)
1. Set Priorities- When we get over busy our priorities get blurred. My wife and I have noticed this as we quickly approach our child's due date. We are incredibly busy to the point of frustration. Our first thought is to bail on our Tuesday night Bible Study. Each week we lament about how tired we are and how we couldn't get through it. But each week that we go, we are rewarded immensely. When your teen gets busy, you need to sit with them and develop what your priorities are. Maybe it is family time mentioned in the previous post. Maybe it's church or a bible study. In setting the priorities, you are saying to your child, "These are the things that are the most important. If the world started to collapse, we would still do these things." This is an important truth for students to develop in life. If throughout childhood, a child learns what is important, they are more likely to repeat it in their adult life. This makes stronger families rooted in faith.
2. Get Organized- This one can be difficult because teens by nature subscribe to the Chaos Theory. You can do this through teaching them how to use a planner or scheduler. I know what you are thinking. I'd rather get a root canal during a Kenny G concert. By using a planner, teens begin to see their time. I've heard a lot of parents say the following; "Jimmy knew that he had to do this, he just thought he had all the time in the world." The truth is that Jimmy is still learning the concept of time. When you are procrastinating, you always have enough time. When you plan you see that you are limited in time and it presses you to go ahead and work now instead of procrastinating.
3. Have a set schedule- the best thing to help with the planning process is to have a set schedule. Students today can be on the go at different times everyday. This complicates planning because you have to plan using different times every week. Ex. I got home at 3 pm everyday from high school. My parents got home between 5:30-6:00pm every night. We ate dinner at 7. (that's when Start Trek came on) Everyday I knew that I had from 3-7 to work on homework. In later years I knew that I had from 3-7 and 7:30-10 to work on homework. My senior year I had stuff every night of the week. It kept my schedule busy and made it difficult for me to find time to do my homework.
4.Built in Breaks- A problem for setting schedules is that it doesn't allow for time to do what teenagers want to do. They want to mess around on Facebook, or play video games, or torment their siblings( flashback...shudder). If you have built in breaks, this allows the student to take a break from the mental portions of homework and just relax for a little bit. The ideal time for this is in between assignments when the students mind isn't focused on one given thing. If you cut a kid off in the middle of a complex math equation, they'll never be able to focus again. When they finish math give them a break before English. A general rule that I had for studying for a test or exam was a 15 minute break for every hour that I studied. This varies among kids though.
5.Set an example- The toughest part of being a parent is that you are constantly being watched. Although teens might not admit this, you are the biggest influence in their lives. That can be a positive influence or a negative influence. If you don't do the things above, your teens won't. If you don't do them and tell your teens that they should do them, they'll resent it. In truth, these are good practices for everyone. Myself included. I'm actually about to work on my planning processes because they need some work. Hopefully it will help me work and communicate more efficiently with you.
So until next time. I'm praying for you and your teen.
Jon
Monday, February 9, 2009
Helping Alleviate Stress in Your Teenagers (part 1)
The last post talked about how the next couple of weeks in any teenagers life is usually among the most stressful of the school year. There aren't a lot of days off. There are usually multiple projects being assigned. The biggest stress comes from the fact that being a teenager isn't easy.
Being able to recognize when your teen is stressed out is a huge benefit. When you see them stressed you can then take steps to help them deal with their stress and even get rid of some of it. Below I'm going to list a couple of ideas that might work for your family when dealing with stressful times.
1. Get a Wii. - Of course the first one that I mention would cost well over $300 by the time you get all the extras, but hey it's the first thing I thought of and these don't go in order of importance. If you have a wii (or can get one) you have a guaranteed fun time. Yes even if you hate video games, you'll get into the wii. The way that the game play is set up creates the perfect environment to have fun with your teens as well as relieve some work/school stress. Games like "Cooking Mama" or "Wii Sports" are good for those less video game savvy people. If you want to step it up with your teen try out "Mario Kart Wii" or "Rock Band" (or Guitar Hero). These games take a little more skill but with definitely payoffs. I mean really, why should your kid be the only one able to rock out to a Led Zeppelin song that you sang when you were their age??
2. Weekly Family Night- A weekly family night might seem like a lot to do. OK if need be you can have a bi-weekly family night. The point is this. During stressful times in life, often our routine schedule is the first thing to go. This means that family time can often get the shaft. Everyone has to be somewhere to do something. By saying that once a week you are going to have family time, you not only give teens a time where they don't have to be stressed, you also reinforce the idea of family to them. This in turn helps them to have strong family ties when they grow up and get married. What you do on family night can be a wide range of things. You could play the Wii. (see above). You could go bowling(yes in real life). You could go to your favorite restaurant. (Cheeburger Cheeburger is a favorite of mine.) You could all go out for dessert or Starbucks (or any other over priced coffee specialty store). The key is to make it something that your kids will look forward to as a way to let off some steam during the week. If your family is up for it, you could make it spiritual by adding in a devotion of some sort.
3. Daddy/Daughter-Mother/Son Time -
The importance of father/daughter relationships and mother/son relationships have been proven by people who have degrees which are much cooler sounding than mine. These are crucial to the development of teenagers. It gives daughters a sense of worth and confidence that help in determining who they will date. It give sons a sense of respect and confidence in how they will treat the women he dates. Something simple like coffee or ice cream every couple of weeks let your teen know that you care and maybe (and I emphasize MAYBE) they will be more willing to talk to you about life. Sometimes due to circumstances, this arrangement of dad/daughter or mom/son don't work out. That's OK, Mom's you can take your daughter out (and probably should). Dad's spend time with your son...(which again you should)
4. Don't be afraid to say "NO" to your teen taking on too much.-
There is a lot of pressure on teenagers to get into college. In high school they will be pressured to take a tough course load that includes multiple AP classes. Different kids respond differently to tough course loads. You know your child best. In the past though, I've seen a lot of parents assume that their kids can handle the pressure of tough academic schedules. The students almost always buckle under the pressure. When this happens teens often develop unhealthy habits (drinking, smoking, drugs, video game addiction...etc) or end up with health problems. Having been diagnosed with stress related illnesses in the past (Acid Reflux), I know the problem with trying to deal with excessive amounts of stress. Teenagers need parents who know their kids, to not be afraid to limit academic/extra-curricular activities. Yes, sports parents, this includes you too.
5. Encourage your child to grow closer to God.- When it comes to handling stress, the best form of relief comes from our almighty creator. Matthew 11:28-30 says; " Come to Me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light." As we grow closer to God we tend to rely on Him to keep us going. That means that we regularly can go to Him and give Him our stresses and find relief in His grace. When we grow apart from God, we tend to not go to Him until it's too late and we are overwhelmed.
This was a long one but incredibly important. Having a constantly stressed out member of the family almost always brings the whole family down. If we take just a a few steps to help relieve stress when it occurs, our families can grow closer to each other and to God.
A forewarning: To families of teens who aren't used to interacting together on a regular basis, (If you think this might apply to you, I guarantee it does) this might be a slow and tough process. If you try any of these and get resistance, keep at it. After time teenagers will come to accept it and even appreciate it. Until next time, I'm praying for your family!
Jon
Being able to recognize when your teen is stressed out is a huge benefit. When you see them stressed you can then take steps to help them deal with their stress and even get rid of some of it. Below I'm going to list a couple of ideas that might work for your family when dealing with stressful times.
1. Get a Wii. - Of course the first one that I mention would cost well over $300 by the time you get all the extras, but hey it's the first thing I thought of and these don't go in order of importance. If you have a wii (or can get one) you have a guaranteed fun time. Yes even if you hate video games, you'll get into the wii. The way that the game play is set up creates the perfect environment to have fun with your teens as well as relieve some work/school stress. Games like "Cooking Mama" or "Wii Sports" are good for those less video game savvy people. If you want to step it up with your teen try out "Mario Kart Wii" or "Rock Band" (or Guitar Hero). These games take a little more skill but with definitely payoffs. I mean really, why should your kid be the only one able to rock out to a Led Zeppelin song that you sang when you were their age??
2. Weekly Family Night- A weekly family night might seem like a lot to do. OK if need be you can have a bi-weekly family night. The point is this. During stressful times in life, often our routine schedule is the first thing to go. This means that family time can often get the shaft. Everyone has to be somewhere to do something. By saying that once a week you are going to have family time, you not only give teens a time where they don't have to be stressed, you also reinforce the idea of family to them. This in turn helps them to have strong family ties when they grow up and get married. What you do on family night can be a wide range of things. You could play the Wii. (see above). You could go bowling(yes in real life). You could go to your favorite restaurant. (Cheeburger Cheeburger is a favorite of mine.) You could all go out for dessert or Starbucks (or any other over priced coffee specialty store). The key is to make it something that your kids will look forward to as a way to let off some steam during the week. If your family is up for it, you could make it spiritual by adding in a devotion of some sort.
3. Daddy/Daughter-Mother/Son Time -
The importance of father/daughter relationships and mother/son relationships have been proven by people who have degrees which are much cooler sounding than mine. These are crucial to the development of teenagers. It gives daughters a sense of worth and confidence that help in determining who they will date. It give sons a sense of respect and confidence in how they will treat the women he dates. Something simple like coffee or ice cream every couple of weeks let your teen know that you care and maybe (and I emphasize MAYBE) they will be more willing to talk to you about life. Sometimes due to circumstances, this arrangement of dad/daughter or mom/son don't work out. That's OK, Mom's you can take your daughter out (and probably should). Dad's spend time with your son...(which again you should)
4. Don't be afraid to say "NO" to your teen taking on too much.-
There is a lot of pressure on teenagers to get into college. In high school they will be pressured to take a tough course load that includes multiple AP classes. Different kids respond differently to tough course loads. You know your child best. In the past though, I've seen a lot of parents assume that their kids can handle the pressure of tough academic schedules. The students almost always buckle under the pressure. When this happens teens often develop unhealthy habits (drinking, smoking, drugs, video game addiction...etc) or end up with health problems. Having been diagnosed with stress related illnesses in the past (Acid Reflux), I know the problem with trying to deal with excessive amounts of stress. Teenagers need parents who know their kids, to not be afraid to limit academic/extra-curricular activities. Yes, sports parents, this includes you too.
5. Encourage your child to grow closer to God.- When it comes to handling stress, the best form of relief comes from our almighty creator. Matthew 11:28-30 says; " Come to Me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light." As we grow closer to God we tend to rely on Him to keep us going. That means that we regularly can go to Him and give Him our stresses and find relief in His grace. When we grow apart from God, we tend to not go to Him until it's too late and we are overwhelmed.
This was a long one but incredibly important. Having a constantly stressed out member of the family almost always brings the whole family down. If we take just a a few steps to help relieve stress when it occurs, our families can grow closer to each other and to God.
A forewarning: To families of teens who aren't used to interacting together on a regular basis, (If you think this might apply to you, I guarantee it does) this might be a slow and tough process. If you try any of these and get resistance, keep at it. After time teenagers will come to accept it and even appreciate it. Until next time, I'm praying for your family!
Jon
Monday, February 2, 2009
The stresses of Spring Time
The past two weeks have been good for students in Chesterfield county. Two straight 4 day weeks will make any student happy. You go to school one day and the next day is Wednesday. I know there are a lot of parents who wish they could say the same about their work week.
Unfortunately that comes to a halt after presidents day. There is a period of time between February and Spring Break that I affectionately refer to as "The Grind". This time is made worse in years where Easter comes late. There is little to no time off for students during this month long time span. For students, it's go to school, go home, do homework, go to sleep, go to school....etc. It is very monotonous and relentless.
To add to the monotony, this is the time that a lot of teachers assign major projects which tend to take up a lot of time outside of school. I remember, "the grind" being unbelievably stressful. I hated it every year. And then there was that one teacher who gave work over spring break....that teacher was just inviting a good toilet paper adventure.....don't get me started...
All that to say this. Over the next month or two our students very possibly could face situations that cause a lot of stress. In my years of ministry a lot of students have expressed that parents don't seem to understand the stress that they're under. I think that is a true statement. I think that teenagers (due to crazy hormones) tend to over exaggerate sometimes, but I think that for the most part teenagers struggle through this time.
I say this as a messenger. I want you to understand what your teenager is thinking. (because there is a likely chance that they won't tell you!) As you parent your teen, take this message into consideration. Come back for the next post which will have things that you can do to relieve stress in your teens life. See you then!
jon
Unfortunately that comes to a halt after presidents day. There is a period of time between February and Spring Break that I affectionately refer to as "The Grind". This time is made worse in years where Easter comes late. There is little to no time off for students during this month long time span. For students, it's go to school, go home, do homework, go to sleep, go to school....etc. It is very monotonous and relentless.
To add to the monotony, this is the time that a lot of teachers assign major projects which tend to take up a lot of time outside of school. I remember, "the grind" being unbelievably stressful. I hated it every year. And then there was that one teacher who gave work over spring break....that teacher was just inviting a good toilet paper adventure.....don't get me started...
All that to say this. Over the next month or two our students very possibly could face situations that cause a lot of stress. In my years of ministry a lot of students have expressed that parents don't seem to understand the stress that they're under. I think that is a true statement. I think that teenagers (due to crazy hormones) tend to over exaggerate sometimes, but I think that for the most part teenagers struggle through this time.
I say this as a messenger. I want you to understand what your teenager is thinking. (because there is a likely chance that they won't tell you!) As you parent your teen, take this message into consideration. Come back for the next post which will have things that you can do to relieve stress in your teens life. See you then!
jon
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
A New Year of Parenting
I have to be honest. A new year of parenting scares the daylights out of me. That's because 2009 is the year that I become a parent. As excited as I am, it means that I have to put myself out there and actually try the things that I suggest to other people. Luckily, I don't have a teenager yet so I have a number of years to prepare for that. That doesn't have anything to do with this post but I thought I would throw it out there anyways.
So you are the parent of a teen. Let me first say that I'm praying for you. Raising a teen is usually a difficult thing to do. To quote comedian Jeff Allen, "teenagers are God's way to teach adults a lesson. It lets parents know what it's like to create something in their own image only to have them grow up and deny their existence."
Sometimes parenting feels like that...ok a lot of the times, parenting feels like that. I want to take this time to encourage you in this new year of parenting. I've spent time listening to teens and evaluating where they are. I want to take this post to write some practical thoughts on raising teens to have a christian worldview. A couple of things before I get started. I don't have a teen. I understand that. I spend a lot of time with teens and I listen to them to see how and what they are thinking. So I use that to guide my thoughts. Secondly, each child is different. Use that discretian while reading.
Some Practical Ideas
1. Stress the importance of Church- I know that since I'm a pastor I'm required to say that. Here's the thing. Students are often graduating from High School and Church at the same time. Once teens get to college they don't understand the importance of a community of fellowship and worship. 18 and 19 year olds are dropping out of church at an alarming rate. Part of my job is to help teenagers understand the importance of a regular time of worshipping God with a community of believers. I also didn't say what church. Your child might not fit in at HRBC. We do everything we can to help everyone feel welcome, but sometimes teens just click at other churches. I understand that and I try not to cry in public about it. If your teen is interested in attending youth or worship at another church, that's fine. I would say for you to check out the church and that it is a strong Bible teaching church that doesn't only put on fun events.
2. Stress the importance of slowing down. One of the biggest hurdles I see that can prevent a teen from growing in their faith is that they are overburdened with school work, sports, jobs, extracurriculars, .etc. I once had a student who took so many AP classes that he ran out of time doing his homework....I mean literally ran out of time. As in he got home from track practice started homework, ate dinner, and then pulled an all nighter until he had to go to school the next day. He didn't stop working and still ran out of time. I think this is a larger problem than parents are aware of. It's tough for parents because all parents want their children to succeed in life. Let me ask this. "What's the point of material success if it forfeits spiritual growth?" Granted the teen got into a great college but they are now spiritually dead. I'm not saying don't stress hard work. That's importance as well. I'm saying that the most important thing is balance. Students who are stressed out are more likely to look to bad habits (drinking, smoking, sex) to relieve the stress complicated by a busy life. Slowing down help promotes balance in a teens life.
3. Be an example- You are the number one spiritual factor in your child's life, like it or not. What you do, they are likely to do. If you want your child to grow spiritually, you much first take the opportunities to grow spiritually yourself. Pray with your family. Dig into God's word. Love your family. Seek God. When your teen sees this, they are more likely to follow in your footsteps and seek God as well. This is by far the toughest for anyone. We are role models whether we like it or not.
This is just a glimpse into some parenting ideas that could help your teen grow closer to God. Let me know your thoughts or opinions by clicking the comments link below!
So you are the parent of a teen. Let me first say that I'm praying for you. Raising a teen is usually a difficult thing to do. To quote comedian Jeff Allen, "teenagers are God's way to teach adults a lesson. It lets parents know what it's like to create something in their own image only to have them grow up and deny their existence."
Sometimes parenting feels like that...ok a lot of the times, parenting feels like that. I want to take this time to encourage you in this new year of parenting. I've spent time listening to teens and evaluating where they are. I want to take this post to write some practical thoughts on raising teens to have a christian worldview. A couple of things before I get started. I don't have a teen. I understand that. I spend a lot of time with teens and I listen to them to see how and what they are thinking. So I use that to guide my thoughts. Secondly, each child is different. Use that discretian while reading.
Some Practical Ideas
1. Stress the importance of Church- I know that since I'm a pastor I'm required to say that. Here's the thing. Students are often graduating from High School and Church at the same time. Once teens get to college they don't understand the importance of a community of fellowship and worship. 18 and 19 year olds are dropping out of church at an alarming rate. Part of my job is to help teenagers understand the importance of a regular time of worshipping God with a community of believers. I also didn't say what church. Your child might not fit in at HRBC. We do everything we can to help everyone feel welcome, but sometimes teens just click at other churches. I understand that and I try not to cry in public about it. If your teen is interested in attending youth or worship at another church, that's fine. I would say for you to check out the church and that it is a strong Bible teaching church that doesn't only put on fun events.
2. Stress the importance of slowing down. One of the biggest hurdles I see that can prevent a teen from growing in their faith is that they are overburdened with school work, sports, jobs, extracurriculars, .etc. I once had a student who took so many AP classes that he ran out of time doing his homework....I mean literally ran out of time. As in he got home from track practice started homework, ate dinner, and then pulled an all nighter until he had to go to school the next day. He didn't stop working and still ran out of time. I think this is a larger problem than parents are aware of. It's tough for parents because all parents want their children to succeed in life. Let me ask this. "What's the point of material success if it forfeits spiritual growth?" Granted the teen got into a great college but they are now spiritually dead. I'm not saying don't stress hard work. That's importance as well. I'm saying that the most important thing is balance. Students who are stressed out are more likely to look to bad habits (drinking, smoking, sex) to relieve the stress complicated by a busy life. Slowing down help promotes balance in a teens life.
3. Be an example- You are the number one spiritual factor in your child's life, like it or not. What you do, they are likely to do. If you want your child to grow spiritually, you much first take the opportunities to grow spiritually yourself. Pray with your family. Dig into God's word. Love your family. Seek God. When your teen sees this, they are more likely to follow in your footsteps and seek God as well. This is by far the toughest for anyone. We are role models whether we like it or not.
This is just a glimpse into some parenting ideas that could help your teen grow closer to God. Let me know your thoughts or opinions by clicking the comments link below!
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